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mrscyborat [userpic]

Awesome Start to A New Year

January 8th, 2011 (02:55 pm)

God has done so many amazing things in the past 6 months! It would take days to journal it all. Suffice it to say, I've grown a lot. I am in a totally different place than I was when I last posted. I went through some serious scraping, getting some pent up bitterness and resentment out by God's mighty love and grace. It has been painful but so very rewarding. Even a few weeks ago, I was fighting some nastiness that kept wanting to poke it's head out. But this truly is a new and blessed year.

Our church is doing a Daniel Fast and Mick and I decided to join them. It is already proving to be a huge spiritual blessing to our family. We are seeing changes in every family member. I am so amazed by God's power and goodness. I have never eaten this many veggies in one week in my life! To go from what we were eating to what we are eating now has been a shock. :-) It has required a lot more food prep, more than I ever thought I could handle! But we've never eaten so well. So far, we've eaten in these first 6 days:

chili rellanos with black beans, brown rice, and pico de gallo
tabouli and hummus on Triscuits
homemade wheat crackers with natural peanut butter
whole wheat pasta with pico de gallo and sauteed mushrooms and garlic or with chopped veggies (various colored bell peppers, onion, garlic, and olive oil)
okra and tomatoes with parsley
vegetable soup (potatoes, onions, carrots, green beans, corn, diced bell peppers, and vegetable juice)
lots of fresh fruit, especially Cuties and grapefruit

I just printed off a bunch of other recipes to try. I plan to make pesto, mashed cauliflower (like mashed potatoes), turnips, spaghetti squash, baked veggies, sweet potatoes, and a variety of salads.

I'm excited that we're finding recipes to not only nourish us now, but to keep in our diet when this fast is over. I'm so glad to finally be making changes in our eating!

mrscyborat [userpic]

Struggling

June 18th, 2010 (02:25 am)

I can't sleep. It's 2:00 AM and it was a bad day yesterday. I have a couple of dozen bug bites that are keeping me awake, along with a sick husband. I came out here to journal away some of the frustrations and emotions when I saw a post on a friend's facebook that suddenly made it all seem obtuse. It was two posts, actually. One was about a child who was shaken until he had brain damage and the next was offering condolences to a family. I followed a link and found a devastating story about a foster child (returned to family?) who was injured and died. Suddenly my long, griping post doesn't seem so important, anymore.

I'm still up at 2:00 AM and I'm still overwhelmed by my own life. But my life suddenly seems much better.

(The picture is old but I just had to remind myself how blessed I am.)

mrscyborat [userpic]

Good Day....Long Day, But Good

June 3rd, 2010 (11:11 pm)
hopeful

current mood: encouraged

We went to our second day of diabetes education today. We waited for 20 minutes in the waiting area, so bringing our breakfast turned into eating our breakfast on our own. Jordan woke up with a low blood sugar, anyway, so he wasn't fasting (instructions from last week). Our first appointment was with the doc, again. Let me tell you, I wasn't much more impressed than last time. He came in the room defensive. His first words were that he was hurt by my letter. :/ Sorry to hurt your feelings when your entire office traumatized my family! He said he wished I had come to him with it instead of sending it to someone else. Ummmm...I accidentally sent it to OKC because their website had NOT ONE email address for me to find on it! It was also a (God) accident because I truly was trying to find the Tulsa location online. Anyway, after a few, polite arguments about our care and our conflicting philosophies, we found a common ground from which to work - Jordan. He was willing to work with us to get Jordan a pump as soon as possible and I actually felt like a participant in Jordan's care. He never did apologize or offer any empathy, but I know not to expect that from him. As long as I feel my son is getting the care he needs, I will continue to see him and their staff. I will probably try the other doctor, though. It's reassuring to me that someone besides the two of us knew of our experience. The rest of the staff that worked with us (a nurse and a dietitian) were much more amicable. The nurse even said she was glad to know of our experience so they could make changes to meet their patients' and their parents' needs. That was nice to hear! Overall, it was a great opportunity to face my demons of fear of authority!

We then went to our coop friends' house for lunch and social time this afternoon. It was nice not having to fix lunch for the crew. We had a nice afternoon of me talking out more stuff and the kids playing. We commented how it is so nice that our kids enjoy each other so much, just like us moms do!

After a quick nap, it was time to head out to drop the kids off before our counseling appointment. The traffic was pretty intense - we were avoiding the sink hole on I44! So, it took us 30 minutes to get across town and grab a sandwich at Sonic. Jordan fell asleep, since I had to wake him up so early this morning. I kinda started to stress until we woke him up! I wanted to make sure he was just sleeping!

The kids had a lot of fun at our friends' LifeGroup. It is an activity and healthy living focus, so they got to swim a little, eat a little, pray a little, and dance to praise music a little. It was a great time for them while Mom and Dad focused on getting some things worked out with a therapist.

It looks like the therapist will be a good fit. She does trauma therapy (EMDR, specifically) along with other individual, couples, and family therapy. We were able to explain where we were and what all we were dealing with while setting the stage for future appointments. I really think we will get a lot of help from her. I am very encouraged!

I'm exhausted, now. I may still have to get up early to take the van to the shop. Mick is still deciding whether he wants to fix it himself. He has come so far from letting others just do stuff for him. But this time, I hope he decides to just let my parents take care of it. They freely offered, and I think it would really take the stress off of him in at least one area, right now (not to mention save him the pain in his wrists from the work).

On top of all this, Mick was passed on through to the next stage of the interview process of a new job. He is currently writing a test program for them to prove his skills and programming thought processes. I know he will do very well - he always proves himself over and over, again. We just pray for God's best in the area of his work life. The current situation has become unbearable (not to mention, we are afraid for the stability of the company). The new job would have MUCH better benefits, and that would help TREMENDOUSLY with our current medical demands.

I know this is pretty business-like tonight. I just wanted to get a brief account of the day down before I collapsed into bed. I look forward to a slow day tomorrow at home! It will be soooo nice to rest and tidy up the house...but mostly to rest. heh

mrscyborat [userpic]

Yesterday

June 2nd, 2010 (07:42 am)
grateful

current mood: grateful

So....after multiple moments with each child, I escaped to my prayer group. I talked all the way there to my mom (I talked, she listened heh). I was still wound up when I got to my prayer group, but I had a good chance to talk to the lady I hadn't told many details to. She is praying for healing for my little boy. God has been waking her up (along with another of my prayer ladies) at all hours of the night to pray for us. No wonder I've gotten so much sleep at night! And a couple of those times might have corresponded to when I was awake crying. God is so amazingly thoughtful! I pray they get more sleep, too!

We had an empowered prayer time. God settled my nerves for a little while. It felt so good to drink Him in.

While there, Mick called 3 times. They couldn't find Jordan's fanny pack with all his supplies! We finally realized he must have left it in the bathroom at Aldi yesterday. That lovely trip to the store was worse than I even thought at the time! I ended up going by the pharmacy last night. I talked on the phone until I got there and wasn't done talking, so I kept going. It wasn't the wisest decision, since Jordan hadn't had either his dinner shot or his nighttime one. He did have a very low carb meal, though. He only needed one unit of Humalog and his Levemir. I just so wanted to touch base with this friend - my therapist friend. Next time I'll turn in the scripts and THEN finish talking!

They didn't have Humalog, so I just got his Levemir. I did buy a small package of their smallest gauge needles so that we could use Mick's Humalog, if necessary. In the end, since he only needed one unit, we decided to just hold off until morning. I am about to call Aldi and then go to our regular pharmacy and try to fill his script. As it was, the two scripts I filled last night were $50.

The truly shocking thing happened at the very end of the day. I had already been incredibly blessed with my prayer group. I found rest and was filled back up a bit by the very presence of God (and my friends, which is a bit redundant - you Godly women, you!). The last phone call from home was saying that one of our Bible study group families had shown up on our doorstep singing Christmas carols! That was amazing enough! They are such fun, incredible people. They also gave us an envelope. Mick waited until I got home to open it. I will be polite and not say too much but let's just say we were in complete shock! God has blessed us so far above and beyond! I cannot ask for enough blessings to flow down on these friends for all they do and who they are! I can truly see how amazing my life is based on my friends, alone!

Other than a 4-year-old who was locked out of the bathroom in the middle of the night, I got a good night's sleep. We have a slow day today, so I can rest even more. It's been such a whirlwind that I'm pleased to have a down day. Of course, I'm still up at 7:00 AM, but I'm glad to have my quiet time in the cool of the day. God is good.

mrscyborat [userpic]

It's Going to Be A Day

June 1st, 2010 (10:08 am)
frustrated

current mood: frustrated

What do you do when your very picky 7-year-old develops diabetes? Refer to userpic. We have two special diet kids throwing food fits on me today. It's going to be a long day.

mrscyborat [userpic]

Journal Entries

May 31st, 2010 (08:18 am)
current mood: mixed

I started journaling but the internet connection was down. So, I kept adding to it and figured I'd add it here, later. It's later. :-)

May 30, 2010 - 4:00 AM

I can't sleep, again. Last night was a wave of grief. Tonight is facing my fear of something happening and me not being able to help. One of our ducklings is not doing well. I've warmed it up and spoon-fed it a couple of drops of water. That's all I can do. Earlier, I tested Jordan's blood sugar while he slept. He jerked his finger back but didn't really wake up. What if he doesn't wake up some night? What if I don't know and he just slips away from me? I can't live in fear and yet.... God, this is facing just how weak I am and how little I can control, no matter how hard I try. I can only trust you. And please save this little duckie, too.

The duckie made it through the night but was still really weak. I was supposed to go for a drink with my friend, so I let the kids know what was going on with duckie. The day with my friend turned out to be a marathon. Her van's transmission is toast, so they were without a vehicle. I felt like I could go pick her and the kids up without too much extra stress, so I did. We came back, I made sure Jordan ate lunch (including testing and shot), and we headed to Taco Bueno about lunchtime. I had eaten at home because I forgot to eat breakfast. Forgetting to eat is a theme with me this week. So, we had a good, long talk...and then talked...and then talked. It was awesome, but the marathon was a bit much for me. I was pretty exhausted after being gone for 4 hours! It turns out she's going through the wringer, too, so I had to find my listening ears. They were put away pretty far up on a shelf, at this point, but I managed to find them. I hope I helped her at least a little by listening, too.
In the meantime, duckie got cold again and weaker. The kids didn't follow the directions too much about drying her/him off and keeping her/him snuggled up close in a towel. Duckie didn't make it. Luckily, we had experienced that before (last year) and they knew it could happen with the little babies. It was sad, but we weren't too upset. And because of my overnight vigil, God helped me not to project that sadness or fear about Jordan. He does know best, even if it means a short night's sleep.

I also had another friend come over. We have really clicked in homeschool choir, but had never been to each other's house. God bless her...she volunteered to help me clean my kitchen when she has 6 kids of her own (including a newborn) and they're selling and buying a house! She's my hero! I want to be that strong when I grow up! She's also my thyroid buddy: we both are on thyroid medication and fight to feel the best we can. Despite being exhausted from the afternoon, the night was a pick-me-up. She brought three of the kids and they didn't want to part. The kids had also played with two kids in the afternoon, so they were thoroughly played out by bedtime, too!

All-in-all, I'm doing ok. Every night I fight sleep starting around 9:00. Since no one in my family is used to going to bed at that time, Mick has had most of the bedtime duty this week. I'm hoping to find a routine that doesn't include nightly exhaustion. I upped my Super Adrenal Stress Formula vitamin intake to the maximum dose, so maybe that will help. Not waking up several times out of fear will eventually help, too. I made it out of that stage when he was a newborn, I'll make it out of it, again. I sure do wish we could have one of those continual glucose monitors right about now, though. Gotta see just how much it will set us back and what the ongoing costs are. Doesn't it suck to have to determine the level of care you can have based on money?! And we even have insurance, crappy as it is. ~sigh~

May 31, 2010 6:00 AM

Got my first wake-up by a shaky kid this morning. He was still at a BS of 78, so not technically out-of-range, yet. But when your kid says he's shaky at 5:50 AM, you don't make him wait until it drops even further. So, after a couple of glucose tabs, he felt better but hungry. Since I had put his desire for cereal off until morning (just too much sugar right before bed for my peace of mind), I let him go ahead and eat. He went back to bed for some more sleep. I'm pretty sure I'm up for the day. It's not too much earlier than my norm. It will give me my peaceful quiet time with God before the day gets going, anyway.

(Later) So, I'm facing that fear head-on that I have no guarantees about Jordan's health. I can't quite bring myself to say what I'm thinking, but the gist is I have no direct word from God that the worst won't ever happen. I am fighting the urge to believe it's lack of faith that I'm not begging for healing. I just know that I can't live my life in total fear, thinking I am the one keeping him safe...because I'm not. Life is precious. I can't control it. I can do my part, but things can happen. The sooner I face that fear and believe God will get me through ANYTHING, the sooner I can relax and trust God fully. I firmly belive it takes more faith to endure hardship (and the worst life has to offer) than to believe in miracles. Oh, I would DEFINITELY take a miracle right about now! But I won't hang all my hopes on it and allow bitterness and grief to steal my children's mother from them. I've set most of my marriage issues aside, but I realize they are still there. They try to creep up to the forefront, but we are going to get help with that starting Thursday. I can only focus on one crisis at a time and Jordan comes first, right now.

mrscyborat [userpic]

Praise God for Answered Prayer

May 28th, 2010 (08:29 am)
happy

current mood: amazed

I posted a message on facebook admitting I needed help cleaning my house. I then received an email saying my prayer group was devoting the next three days to spiritually clean my house! I didn't even know to ask for that one! God is amazing!

mrscyborat [userpic]

Crisis Mode

May 28th, 2010 (08:03 am)
sad

current mood: too many to list

Jordan was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes late Tuesday night. Yeah...no intro, no words of warning. I'm gonna just jump right into the whole mess just like it hit us. I'm hoping to blog more because I'm going to desperately need a place to let it all out. Of course, life may not allow for much time to sit here and type. Or, I may not feel the release I once did by typing everything out. We'll just have to see. I would like a place where I can vent unhindered by social niceties (although I had very little of that inhibition Wednesday as my emotions were in a complete tornado!). I will post some...or many...entries in friends-only mode. I will only put people on that list that I can completely trust with my uninhibited self. It will be much more raw than what I post here. I would just like a place that I can post updates so I don't have to fill 100 people in one-by-one. I often work through problems by talking it out over and over (and over and over) again with different people. But some things, I'm not going to want to say 10 times over. I'm trying to think through putting together coping mechanisms (like this blog) but there are just so many details to organize right now that I'm constantly being overwhelmed. Yesterday was Miranda's birthday. We had already planned to go to a duck farm to pick out ducks, go swimming with our homeschool co-op family (just one but we have 8 kids between us), and go to dinner with Dad. With a newly diagnosed diabetic child, that became a mountain of moment-by-moment decisions and details to plan through. God got us through it all, even a thrown-together birthday cake that everybody but an exhausted Mom ate at 9:00 last night. There are so many ways God has protected and provided...like warning the kids that this year we wouldn't have the elaborate cakes and birthday morning activities/presents like we have in the past. I guess there is still some humor and strength in me that can say a tight budget and Dad's carpal tunnel was a provision for preparing the kids for less-is-more on their birthdays! Miranda handled it well and everything worked out supernaturally throughout the day. Jordan even started having low blood sugar right around the high-carb dinner and again around the time for cake and ice cream. Who could have planned THAT any better?!

So, you're welcome to come along for the ride. I can promise it will get ugly, so don't ask to be on the friend list if you can't handle my raw emotions. Not trying to be flippant, just bluntly honest. I will keep the public posts at least PG-rated (language, faith, attitude, etc. etc.)

mrscyborat [userpic]

Gorgetti

April 28th, 2010 (07:26 pm)
amused

current mood: amused

Ok. You know you're at the end of your food budget when you make spaghetti with Ramen noodles and whatever cans of red stuff you can find in your pantry. But don't feel too sorry for us. We turned something potentially wrong into somewhat gourmet! We started with dumping spicy diced tomatoes, tomato paste, and water into a pot. After many spices, we came up with something somewhat tasty as a sauce. I then started boiling the Ramen noodles. I discovered I had not only onions, but also mushrooms! After a saute in olive oil....viola! Gourmet Ghetto 'Sketti, or Gorgetti! Oh, we also added some shredded mozzarella and Parmesan from a can. It was mighty tasty! Serve it up to your friends and they'll think they're getting something pretty good! You can leave out that the angel hair came from a Ramen bag. :-)

mrscyborat [userpic]

Chili Mac Recipe

January 10th, 2010 (12:44 pm)

I threw this together last night and it was a pretty big success. I wanted to get it down so I could find the recipe, again, in case I forget.

Chili Mac

1-2 cans chili beans in the 'sauce'
1-2 pounds of pre-cooked hamburger
1 jar of enchilada sauce
1/2 box of wheat noodles, cooked (penne)


Add the beans, hamburger and enchilada sauce and heat thoroughly. Mix in the cooked noodles. Let simmer to meld the flavors. Serve with shredded cheese.

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